If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All I want is dick and wine.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
