Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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