I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I deserve this hangover.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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