i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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