i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
