I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
