I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
