my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
