I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
