So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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