I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
