how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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