I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
