Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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