I feel like I'm in dance class right now
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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