I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
