i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
