he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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