you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had to cum in my sink.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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