Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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