he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
