Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
