I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
