i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
