I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
