I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
COCAINE IS GR8
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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