I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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