just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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