oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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