hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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