I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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