One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
