are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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