i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
