I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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