Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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