Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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