I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
