I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
