So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
