Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
