just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
and you fell through a lawn chair
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
