im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
