Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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