I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
