no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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