Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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