I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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