I just saw a hot homeless man
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
