It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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