Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize