His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
