Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
