Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I love you.
Bad choice
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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