hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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