I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
