If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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