I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
