hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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