I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
