if i can run in heels then i can drive
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
