I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
