i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
