The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
