google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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