I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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