i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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