but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
