I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
