Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
