ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize