Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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